Finding the Party Nightmare
So Halloween 2020 rolls around, parties still kinda happening but everyone wearing masks anyway. I decided, screw it, gonna win best costume this year. First step? Hoping Pinterest magically tells me what “wins every party,” like that dumb title promised. Yeah, not happening. Searched for hours, ended up overwhelmed with glitter and cheap vampire teeth ads. Felt like just buying a plastic mask and calling it a day.
The Thrift Store Treasure Hunt
Figured I needed cheap and good. Hit up three thrift stores downtown last weekend. Total chaos. Dug through racks smelling faintly of mothballs and grandma perfume.
- Found: A totally hideous puffy bright green bridesmaid dress ($4!), perfect for something… messy.
- Grabbed: Some weird sparkly leggings ($2), half ripped already. Perfect!
- Spotted: A dusty old fake plant crown ($1) with plastic roses falling off.
Threw it all in the cart thinking “Garbage Chic? Eco Monster?” No clue yet, but stuff was cheap.
Drowning in Fake Blood
Took everything home and dumped it on my living room floor. The dress screamed for destruction. Grabbed some cheap scissors and just started hacking – shortened it unevenly, ripped the sleeves off completely. Felt cathartic, honestly. Found old white paint cans in the garage, glopped some on the green fabric in streaks. Looked terrible! Exactly right.
Tried making creepy face paint with my kid’s watercolors. Big mistake. Smudged everywhere, looked like I had a rash. Switched gears. Grabbed a black eyeliner pencil and drew cracked doll lines instead – around my mouth, one cracked cheek. Easier, less messy. Used a heavy red lipstick I never wear for blood stains on the ripped sleeves. Glued some plastic rose buds ripped off the crown onto the paint splotches. Hot glue gun nightmare. Burned myself twice. Dog tried eating a rose.
Sweating Buckets in the Living Room
Full dress rehearsal Friday night. Pulled on the ruined dress over leggings. Put on the wonky plant crown. Smeared a bit more lipstick as “blood” on my neck. Looked in the mirror. Utterly ridiculous. Sweating already. The cheap fabric didn’t breathe. Mask kept fogging up my glasses. Perfect. Drove myself to Jake’s party wearing slippers ’cause heels felt stupid. Parked, slammed a cheap cider for courage.
Walking Into Chaos (& Winning?)
Walked into Jake’s backyard party. Immediately tripped on a pumpkin. People stared. Heard someone whisper “What IS that?” and “Her dress looks wrecked!”. Mission accomplished? People legit came up asking what I was. Made up stuff on the spot: “Rotting Forest Nymph,” “Trash Heap Princess,” “Pollution Pixie.” Got way more laughs than the store-bought zombie guys dripping fake blood packets. Honestly? Everyone looked kinda crazy sweating in masks. I felt like I owned the disaster vibe. Did I win? Dunno if Jake even judged. Felt like I nailed the party vibe just by looking hilariously awful. Cheap thrills, literally. Next year? Maybe buy a cape.
