Alright so yesterday I’m scrolling through online deals and boom – spotted these Tiger Style Kung Fu DVDs for like five bucks a pop. Thought hell, cheap workout right? Clicked Add to Cart faster than a tiger pounces or whatever.
The Waiting Game (Not So Kung Fu)
Order went through okay, payment went smooth. Then sat around waiting like a damn statue. Two whole weeks! Almost gave up thinking the delivery guy got lost in some Shaolin temple or something.
Box finally shows up. Tore it open like a wild animal. Found three discs rattling inside flimsy cases. Plastic smelled kinda funky, like dusty attic plus cheap factory. Cases felt thinner than my patience during that wait.
Popping In Disc One
Slapped that first DVD into my player. Menu looked ancient – pixelated letters flashing. Hit play and dude, the quality. Grainy like old sitcoms. Guy in baggy pants claiming to be a “Grandmaster” starts yapping about inner energy first. Felt like watching paint dry.
Finally got to the moves part. Guy says “First stance! Tiger Descends Mountain!” Looked simple enough. Tried copying him in my living room. Bent my knees, arms out wide. Felt ridiculous. My legs started shaking after ten seconds flat.
Disc Two Disaster
Next day, tried disc two. This one promised “combat applications”. Hoped for something cool. Nope. Video quality got worse – glitchy, sound cutting out. Instructor yelled “Block and Strike with Tiger Claws!” Shuffled my feet awkwardly, tried swiping my hands. Tripped over the damn rug. Almost took out my coffee table.
- Movement Looked Weird: On screen, moves flowed kinda smooth. Me doing them? Looked like a drunk crab trying to salsa.
- Breathing? Ha! DVD guy kept chanting “Breathe deep! Harness chi!” I was gasping for air like I ran a marathon after two moves.
- Instructions Useless: “Shift weight dynamically!” he says. Okay buddy. How? Where? Felt zero explanations.
The Final Disc and Reality Check
Last disc. “Advanced Techniques.” Yeah right. Whole video looked like it got copied a hundred times. Grainy, colors washed out. Instructor did this complicated jump-spin-kick thing. Laughed out loud. Tried a wobbly version. Landed with a thud. Cat ran away scared.
Finished all three discs covered in sweat. But not the good workout sweat. More like confused and frustrated sweat. Strained muscles I forgot existed. Threw the discs back in their flimsy cases. Didn’t feel like a fierce tiger. Felt like a stiff, grumpy housecat.
So… Cheap Workout?
Cheap? For sure. Paid less than lunch. Real martial arts workout? Not even close. Got tricked by the fancy title. Moves felt awkward, instruction sucked, video quality painful. Wasted time shuffling around my living room looking dumb.
Only “workout” I got was sore thighs from bad stances and sore cheeks from laughing at myself. Wouldn’t recommend unless you need cheap coasters or like pretending to fight ghosts only you can see. Total flop.