My Dumbass Farming Days First
So yeah, started Stardew again last week. Planted whatever was cheap, mostly potatoes and kale. Just trying not to starve, right? Needed someone to talk to besides these weird chickens. Walked by Alex flexing near the ice cream stand, and I thought… why not try him this time? Looked like a simple meathead.
Gifts? More Like Guesswork
Had no clue what Alex liked. Figured: guy likes sports. Dumb me pulled a salmonberry straight off the bush and handed it to him. He frowned. “Hmm.” Real helpful. Saw him near Marnie’s ranch. Found an egg, thought “Protein! Perfect!” Nope. Another frown. Felt like an idiot. Took me two whole days to learn this man just wants food. Any cooked food. Finally shoved an omelette at him. Finally, a smile! Basically: feed him like a hungry bear.
Hitting Those Heart Milestones
Started stuffing his face daily. Eggs, fish tacos, whatever I could cook. See this heart meter? Every time that little ding went off, felt like winning.
- 2 Hearts: Was chopping wood near his house. Cutscene starts! Grandma’s sick? Made Alex look less like a jerk. Finally saw he cares about family.
- 4 Hearts: Walking through town square. Bam! He’s playing gridball. Actually asked my opinion about his training. Blew my mind.
- 6 Hearts: Went to the beach thinking it’d rain for fish. Sun comes out! Alex runs past, turns around. Got all sweet talking about walks. So cheesy. Actually worked.
Messin’ Up the 8 Hearts Event
This one sucked. Made it to 8 hearts feeling proud. Saw him at his house door late one night. Had the letter about it and everything. Walked into his room… and cussed like crazy. Why? Forgot the damn rabbit’s foot! Should’ve carried it everywhere. Stupid. Had to reload the day, sprinted to find a damn lucky foot. Barely made it back in time. Got the dialogue about his parents. Kinda sad stuff.
The Big “This Sucks” Moment
10 hearts! Time to get fancy. Bought that bouquet like the game told me. Handed it over feeling smug. Cutscene at the beach happened. He’s talking about building sand castles? It was… weirdly kiddish? Yeah, confession under an ugly sand turtle? Seriously? Expected something cooler. Left me just standing there thinking “That’s it?”. Felt kinda cheap compared to all those omelettes I burned.
So Here’s Alex Dating – The Ugly Truth
Look, dating Alex is feeding a picky man-child fancy snacks until he shows you tiny bits of personality. The events peek into his family mess, which is… fine. But those hearts? They just unlock slightly sweeter gym talk. Wanna see all his events? Prepare to carry that rabbit foot 24/7 like an idiot. Feed him, follow him around town hoping a cutscene kicks in, and maybe get a beach sandcastle for your efforts. Just feels like way too much work for a virtual boyfriend whose best line is about eating more chicken. Not sure it’s worth it, honestly.