So last weekend I dug out my old PlayStation 1 from the garage – dust bunnies everywhere, man. Plugged that chunky gray box into my modern TV and immediately realized nothing was working right. Had to hunt down some converter thing for the AV cables like a damn archaeologist.
Controller Nightmare
- Found 3 PS1 controllers tangled together in a shoebox
- Two of them had joysticks drifting like crazy
- The triangle button on the “good” one stuck halfway down
- Spent an hour taking it apart with a butter knife before giving up
Finally grabbed a used DualShock from this sketchy game shop downtown. Owner looked like he hadn’t slept since 1999. Anyway, popped in Final Fantasy VII – obviously. Disc 1 sounded like a garbage disposal chewing rocks. Couldn’t get past the opening cinematic without freezing.
Memory Card Madness
Found my old memory card covered in sticker residue. Slapped it in and – nothing. Blank. 14-year-old me’s entire RPG life vanished forever. Had to restart Chrono Cross from scratch. Seriously debated grinding those first two hours again while staring at loading screens.
Real talk? Got way too into replaying Xenogears. Started bringing the console to work to test during lunch. Boss caught me hooking it up in the break room last Tuesday. Said I looked “disturbingly focused” during random battles.
The Wake-Up Call
Next morning I left discs scattered everywhere while running late. Tripped over Parasite Eve case – cracked my damn coffee mug against the desk. Got to work with brown stains all over my shirt. Presentation flopped hard. Clients kept asking if I smelled burnt coffee.
Woke up yesterday to HR email saying I’m “transitioned out effective immediately.” Saw my position posted online later – salary jumped from 45k to 60k. Bastards upgraded my job when they fired me.
Left the PS1 running at home while I cleared my desk. Came back to find it overheated so bad the Final Fantasy IX disc warped. Would say this experiment failed spectacularly. PS1 RPGs are the digital equivalent of bad life choices.
